Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Pixie and Froggie together again
Last last week. Zhiling and I broke up. But what caused the breakup? She said on breaking up with me she’ll always love me….which confused me more…so why the breakup?
We were compatible and had no personal problems, we enjoyed each other tremendously whether on holiday trips, house chores like cooking, on email or doing her homework together…the situation was I have an ex-girlfriend who is quite helpless at times and me being quite the soft hearted person, I never hesitated to help her. Pixie was generous and was okay with me helping her as a friend, but my ex was jealous and mean to pixie so pixie often felt hurt (for those of you who know my ex, please help her and be a friend to her). That aside, I was putting God aside in part of my life thinking I’ll get religion back after I’ve worked out my career. Pixie always told me these things are hurting me and disappointing her…I was just so preoccupied by life and work that I didn’t heed her advice to improve myself and the position I am in thinking I’ll do it someday…So she decided to break up with me with the hope of me seeing my flaws.
When our relationship was all gone, I went through all our pictures, emails and was just swept by how important she is to me. I was in pain as I loved her so and having to put away all our stuff as we are no longer together brought more than a tear to my eye. How could I have hurt someone I love so much… unknowingly by not doing simple pleasing things that actually better myself and keep her. Why didn’t I notice these things until I lost her? I guess its part and parcel of forgetting what’s closest to you…
I asked her lets not end the relationship on a sour note as ours but give me one more outing with her and end it on a sweet note….at first she was reluctant and said only if one of her friend come along so I said, honestly I want to have you back…but if I can’t, I’ll really withdraw. She agreed….I examined myself closely and made notes to change...I painfully compiled a scrapbook of all the pictures we took together realising even more how much I do want her; I cut my hair, bought flowers and a parting gift for her. Then, I went over to her place early in the morning and helped myself into her house as her sister was on her way out of the gate to school and made her way to her room. I awoke her like I always do by gently combing her hair…and then I gave her the flowers…she smiled…I then grabbed her hand and put it on my hair…she smiled bewilderedly…I sat on the floor next to her bad and we talked for hours...as she looked through the little scrapbook…in the end of the book I asked if she’d be my girlfriend…because the first time she asked me and claimed it wasn’t official till I asked…I never did ask so we couldn’t have broken up…so…zhi will you have my hand to have, to hold and to love…my heart was beating furiously…she said yes…
I am wrong….but I am glad, I was able to get what meant a lot to me back…. That afternoon,we were dating in the most romantic place in K.L., JPJ headquarters Wangsa Maju, as pixie had to make her international driving license...I am smilling silly…she is too…she said she is glad that I realized…and that she never stopped loving me…I guess the lesson is sometimes we should not take what we have for granted…especially love and always do our best for our love and emphasize it in our lives as much as or more so than what many of us choose to emphasize on; money and career…
Pixie is still leaving for the states…and in a week I’ll still lose her…physically she won’t be next to me for the next two years…but I’ll have her comfortingly at heart and I think for that, I am already blessed.She is seating infront of me right now...she hasn't bath or change clothes since she awoke and she has just spent quite awhile in the kitchen preparing lunch...she smells...very nice...
Thanks to Sze Hui and everyone who gave an ear and a shoulder...
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- Living Life to the full...I hope to live by the principle that success doesn't mean making a tonne of money though I am blessed that i do make a decent sum...but success equates to appreciateing all the God given wonder this world has to offer before my time is up...