Monday, January 31, 2005

Voice of tomorrow...what do you see?  Posted by Hello

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Making Awe at Miniscule

The print numbered 12/20 above is from a student artist. His name is Khayril Anwar B. Khairudin. The print is a bit dirty and it is framed merely with a mounting board. However, it just struck me and held my attention.

The boy sitting plainly is very serene and comforting. The boy’s keen observation of what in his fingers making awe at a miniscule tickled me, my curiosity making me want to stare as keenly, sharing in his wonder. The more intricate design behind him, the gestural motive from an impression of grill webbing added a complexity to the visual, a sweet flavour to the plain ‘simpleton’ qualities of the fore. The pictorial as a whole also had a warmth evening light feeling from the way it was lit. Dark shadows in the fore accompanied this, giving it a strong base by which to hold everything in place.

I bought this print as I had a little bit of money to spare. It didn’t cost much but that’s not to say it’s not worth anything more, just that I can afford it.

I do not claim in anyway to be an art critic but I enjoyed this print in this manner and I hope you enjoy it in your own share in the comment below. My brother and friend in their own way said ‘Dude…it’s scary. It’s like Ju-On!!!’
" looks like ju on!!!!" my friend's appreciation of art Posted by Hello

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Where's froggy? Posted by Hello

That Reward in Itself

I always believed that ‘If you do something with all your heart…God will reward you as he isn’t unfair.’

I was truly blessed last year for being part of something truly extraordinary. It began with a phone conversation and lead to a meeting in One Utama where I was picked up in a green van, introduced to some new friends and ferried to a house. We were having our first reading at the house and I was really petrified because as much as I love movies and the idea of being an actor was an extension of that, I never thought I can be one...clinching every time I see myself on those home made videos. Ah well, I am here to do the fight scene I said…and that I can do well (The fight scene eventually got axed as it wasn’t suited to this movie about love).

Over the next few months...I realized I had quite a mouthful of dialogue but my readings was horrible, my readings came out colloquial and I was really worried if I will make the cut or be untimely phased out of the project. It’s easy to say be natural…or feel the character or just be yourself blah, blah, blah but acting is really not easy despite some still shunning it and having the perception that it’s something that doesn’t require much work, training or knowledge. To these people, I ask them…point a camera at yourself and try acting out a scene, any scene from a movie…you’ll see how difficult it really is. However, the director kept encouraging us on…saying that we are so brilliant and gave huge smiles through out even if she ever doubted inside…also the other established (meaning old) actors like Ida Nerina, Harith Iskandar and Thor Kar Hoong (very old) that surrounded us were really welcoming and friendly from the first hello.

During rehearsals, I remember fondly how Abidah Noor self depreciatingly said to me with a smirk…are you sure you can sit here? Is my fat as* not bothering you? This jovial air continued with cast and crew peppering moments with jokes setting aside any tension quickly during the shoot in Ipoh, a lovely little town that mirrored my lovely hometown of Kuching. The immense preparation that we put into the movie, the rehearsals and everything paid off. Everyone was brilliant in his or her role except perhaps me. But then it could be that we tend to scrutinize ourselves much more than need be…or so I really hope.

But nontheless the film turned out brilliantly in a myriad of visuals that exemplified the force and flavour of life. The warm feelings of care and friendship gradually nurtured us into a family working together to realize this little tale fervently with so much love, the film is gushing out with it…Being on the shoot also taught me something really important, that it is ok to have fun, enjoy yourself and love your work.

Sadly, it’s also really true that time pass when you are having fun as before we know it, Ipoh was over. A year will have passed by the time the movie that all of us; the producers, directors, actors, craftsmen poured our heart into reaches the cinemas this 24th February. Individually, we have moved on to our own lives but we are still very much in touch and share a hug every time upon seeing one another…

My very first sentence above ‘If you do something with all your heart…God will reward you as he isn’t unfair’ may seem like the musings of a whimsical believer and idealist but it’s true to the word. I blindly pursued my love for cinema even with the knowledge that it will probably be a rough road as at present, there is no healthy cinematic industry here in Malaysia and no immediate financial gain and I got SEPET. SEPET was for all of us that reward in itself.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

a can full of joy,tear,laughter,love and life!

For my love...

My friend Frances blogged..."This is my very first time watching a movie myself..blah blah..But anyway, I'm glad I did go for it and went in alone too. One thing bad about watching the movie yourself is that you are not able to share it with someone else and you've the feeling of laughing to yourself. That's why, I'm writing this here or I'll most probably burst."

Evocative huh? Curious how that silly hall with a piece of celluliod running across a bright lamp can concoct such a reaction and a myriad of feelings?

The cinema is often more than just mere entertainment despite how some might see it as decadent and empty or worse, morally degrading. I am still at a loss when my grandma who would watch all those chinese opera on TV ( a minisculed version of the cinema in a convenient take away) can oppose to my career of choice...hey grandma, someone has to produce that show no?

So why is it that people still do not look up at the cinema? why is it often disregarded for what it is? I have a doctor friend who says life can go on without the cinema despite him curiously hoarding up a bunch of DVDs. Wonder what those are for? shelve decoration? Doctors do have odd tastes... Yes, I can go on...but as our mudane city living bleeches life out of life, very often the cinema is a much needed stimuli of pain and pleasure.

Strangely I disagree with my friend, yes it's wonderful to be clucthing a loved one, your heart breathing in sync as the cinema evokes emotions but I feel sometimes a cinema is better enjoyed alone. In Kuching I can walk in to an almost completely empty cinema...then in the calm quite I can be my words I would describe it as...

Am in a darkened hall...all alone. No friends nor family with me. But strangely I feel a warmth sweeping over me and am truly happy. Then a light... in me, suddenly a laugh, a smile, a scream, a ponder and a tear...I know why I love what I love and doing what I am doing.


Wednesday, January 26, 2005

To Live and Die in an Aquarium

Some of my friends have asked me,"isn't it cruel to keep frogs in a four sided glass tank?" I don't think so, otherwise I wouldn't subject them to such torture. I think on the contrary, they live a life of luxury.My friend then beg to differ, "but they don't have any freedom...they don't have any adventure." In actuality, most frogs stay in the cover of shade, like under a rock by day and go out roaming to feed by night.They ussualy come back to the same crevice to pass the day again tommorow.
My frogs stay in a tank where there are no sharp rocks which could cut their soft skin, they have a little pump to circulate the pool of water and there is a slanted slate by which they can crawl up to a pit of gravel where they can burrow. In the tank, there's a plant to provide a little decoration in natural foliage. Food arrives everyday in form of mealworms and crickets.

In many ways, I feel we live our lifes in aquariums too. The borders to the dictates of our wallet and the general condition to the dictates of our city council whom we in moments of frenzy during the election elect.These same people form the government that confines us to a certain normality and set out rules and regulations by which we should live... Given...we do decide for ourselves what defines our aquarium but we are also required to work to earn the rights to live in this 'aquarium' life whereas my frogs just have to live and eat. They do get to roam round the aquarium which I change now and then to introduce new elements.

So is it really that bad to live and die in an Aquarium?

Ever so often, I wonder what's life about? sometimes I get depressed sometimes I get hopeful...then I totally forget the question and go on living. Am I happy? well not jumpingly so but neither am I sad either... but I guess that's all part of the mystery of life...

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

How in the world could you tell I had too many crickets doc?

The Royal Crickety Orchestra....

Yes, I am up early due to back pain...but at least today I hear the sound of crickets...up on the 10th floor of my sterile square as a square can be apartment here in it's all about work and money kuala lumpur.

cric...cric...cric...the sweet sounds...though I know for a fact some would take it as a great roomate shut their room door last night in an attempt to block out the sounds...hahaha...but appreciation is all subjective isn't it? Like how I emphazised in my last post on how people don't appreciate pain until they are in pain?

But anyway...what I have in mind right now is different...I am not a communist but I am pondering the existance of hierachy or I get that thought, over the sounds of crickets you might say?'s fairly simple...I bought the crickets to increase protein consumpstion...for my fellow frogs in my fish tank that is...that makes me wonder, you know how people pay huge sums of money for really expensive fish like the arowanas or that dumb looking thing that still become a craze like the flowerhorn? Well,howabout the little fishes you buy for a dollar a dozen to feed these fishes? How fair is life that some are born as pet feed like these and others fair is it that cows and chicken are born for slaughter while dog enjoy life as family fair is it that some are born labourers and others are born kings? At least as humans, we can move up the ladder to greater success and bring ourselves out of our circumstances...circumstances that we are in possibly due to the actions of our ancestors...some animals, take these crickets, are born merely as little crittle that serve as fresh food for frogs like us...or for people as in thailand...

Cric...cric...cric..cric...Wouldn't it be nice to be more...say a cricket having the life of a pet dog..cared for and all...(but then in china and japan, emperors do keep crickets in luxurious cages)

Cric....cric...cric...cric. How I wish I didn't have to see my orchestra being goobled up...but hey...a frog's gotta eat when a frog gotta eat.



Jump in Joy for You are PAIN free!!! Yippee!!!!

Sorry I was out from posting abit...was in absolute pain the past few days...took a nasty fall that put me into this rather weird physical condition whereby I am really painful in the painful that I can even turn in nose is filled to the brim with 'hingus'(Malay word. sounds so much cooler than the word sneeze juice) and I can't sleep or get up...and everytime I chest feels like it's caving in...a reflect action so says the doctor....but anyway, I am hurting and it's an awful feeling I wish for nobody...much less myself...what can I do but lay there in pain questioning my rather painful twist of fate and whether there is a lesson to be learnt...I am sure there is...

Why did I take the fall? Was I not careful enough? Why didn't I take better care of myself...Do I deserve all this pain? Some of you out there who know me would know that I fancy myself capable of pulling a few stunt tricks and taking a few I ussually fall and still feel pretty happy about it...yes,I have a few srews loose up there.... but then again... there is no pride or honour to be had from this's camera was on to capture the balletic way in which I negotiated the slip, tripped and fell... least then I would have something to show for it.

I was at the doctor asking him that I m ok right? It's just pain right?
The doctor is still something unpleasant and I am not true...But seriously...alot of us take it for granted that we are not in pain, everything's fine...we should really take an extra step to not be in pain...we should appreciate times when we are not in pain and that should be reason enough to jump in joy... yeahhh....auugghh... I am in I just wish time can just be transient and it'll pass...yes, the doctor says that it's just a matter of waiting it through...sigh...

Regards from a painful frog in hopes of painfree days... croak!!!

Thursday, January 13, 2005

East meet west!!! Can die!!!

There are times I wish time would just take it's time or stop altogether...ussually it's a moment of bliss or pleasure...

Right about now, I wish time would just's like 7.10 am, I have been awake the past hour or so despite having slept only at 4 am. why? well I cannot sleep...too much pain on my back....why?

I took a fall a few days's one of those falls whereby you get up and have a moment of hard breath plus you get a monotonous and scary buzzing sound in your ears....and everthing around you seem surreal....

I immediately took myself up and over to a place to sit...I was back though not acutely was in irritable pain...My friends would know that I am a big fan of action and falls are like badges of honour for me...but I am also cursing this's a deceivingly simple fall, somewhat expected but something wrong happen and right about now I am in pain...

It's a weird pain...My back feel really stiff and with movement there's this spread out numbing pain... I feel slight spasm going through my body...and yet no marking like blue-blacks or any particular numbspot for that matter.I've been seeing both Eastern and Western's funny how they say different things...

Eastern...rub with medicated oil, keep the circulation going and keep it warm
Western...don't rub...the last thing you want to do is to aggravate it...and keep it cold so the inflamation will reside...

Needless to say I am dumbfounded...silly me for wanting two opinions...I guess my friends summed it up best..."if you take both eastern and western medicine you can die !" I hope I survive the impending treat of death...sigh...


Saturday, January 08, 2005

Transient....meaning it'll all pass...

Hello everyone,

Been an admirer of all who blogs for many years but have never had the time to start's not a great's a lazy saturday morning, I am sitting shirt off, butt lazy on my chair and own doings...too lazy to go get breakfast and on the other side I am finishing up an article for a magazine; but I guess in life there is no perfect time...just time and I just this is as good a time as any to start...ah well...

It's already the 8th of January 2005, meaning there's 357 days left to this year...boy, does time pass fast these days...I'd wished it slow down....there's not enough time for me to take it all in...and to appreciate it all much less to document it all...

Been back to kuching recently and in an effort to uncover the past for preservation, I bugged my own car and brought grandpa for a drive.The old man has many stories but he shuts up upon knowing that you are recording hence the need for secrecy...he told marvellous stories...some as simple as a morning cup of coffee with his friends, others about the war and some about politics! Hearing these stories related to me is worth it's weight in gold, at least for me...I know people who wouldn't bat an eyelid or maybe snoring already at this point.

Life's funny...when it hands you a bitter you wish you will forget and when it's all good how you wish you could remember....I go around my city...looking around just taking it all I wish with every sight I could preserve the moment, the blip in eternity but it's something that you can't...not with video, not with a day it'll all's passing as is now...with every moment

I guess that's the way life much we choose to appreciate it and how much we really end up appreciating... as it just pass in it's transient ways....


Sunday, January 02, 2005



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About Me

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Living Life to the full...I hope to live by the principle that success doesn't mean making a tonne of money though I am blessed that i do make a decent sum...but success equates to appreciateing all the God given wonder this world has to offer before my time is up...